A Victory in the Waiting

Today, we celebrate. ❤️

Last night, my Mads made the decision to sleepover at a friend’s birthday party. She didn’t call to come home, she had a game plan for what to do if she felt scared and she told herself it was going to be the best time with her sweet friends.

To most parents, this is a typical 8-year-old Saturday night.

But to us? It was a monumental reassurance that God is so good. All the time.

Two years ago, Madison started associating hospitals with death. Rightfully so, as she’s walked through so much grief with us over the last few years. And because her young mind couldn’t grasp the concept of physical becoming non-physical, it sent her into a tailspin of worry. Even in knowing Heaven is real, it’s been a difficult topic to explain and help her cope with understanding.

This worry of death led to anxiety for her. Which led to a fear of losing those closest to her when Jace was admitted to the hospital for RSV last year. Which led to panic attacks. Which led to her not wanting to be far from mom and dad. Which led to her young self walking through big emotions and us, as her parents, learning to help her navigate.

It was a long 2nd grade year. For a multitude of reasons. New school, new home, new fear and a new physical component to learn how to combat. It was challenging, nerve-wracking and scary to be honest. But, we pressed in and pressed on. Day after day. Prayer after prayer.

We felt like third grade was going to be a fresh start for her. We worked all summer on praying for guidance and listening to our body’s request for support when we need it most.

So, when I got the call this week that she was in the clinic having an anxiety attack at school ... I felt defeated. My poor baby wasn’t getting the fresh start we were all praying for.

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Until ...

We walked through this week. We sharpened up her verse-memorization skills, we talked through the worry and we encouraged her when she said she wanted to try spending the night.

Because that’s the beautiful thing about fear. We have the power to squash it. To embrace it and allow it to show its face. But then to stomp on it through the victory that is not our own. Thanks to the blood of Jesus.

I felt like we lost the battle this week. That third grade was going to be a repeat of second.

And, then, in a decision led by Madison, she spent the night at her friend’s house. 🥰

At 1:13 this morning, I thought about my girl. Wondered if she worked through the fear or if she even felt any fear at all. I prayed for her and then finally let myself sleep after waiting by the phone all evening.

When I picked her up this morning ... “Mom! We went to bed so late! I started to feel nervous but then saw the clock and it said 1:13. It was so late, I knew it was time to sleep.”

My heart burst. God knew she needed to be reminded that all was good right before falling asleep. And my mom heart was the one to send her that love in the exact moment she needed it.

❤️😍 God is so good. All. The. Time.

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